VERBAL JUDO (2013)

Verbal Judo: A Guide to Conflict De-escalation

Foreword

Verbal Judo is an outstanding guide for those who want to learn how to use words to avoid conflict and obtain what they want in even the most difficult situations. Verbal Judo is a book on employing soft skills to avoid arguments and yet obtain what they want. Author George Thompson, a judo and tae kwon do karate black belt, discusses his techniques for settling disagreements without even raising your voice or arguing.

Verbal Judo is a mind-and-tongue martial art that can teach you how to properly prepare for any verbal confrontation. This book will teach you tried-and-true methods for gaining the upper hand in any verbal conflict.

According to the author, Verbal Judo is about redirecting and exploiting the other person’s hostility to achieve your purpose. It’s the polar opposite of verbal karate, which tends to escalate and damage people’s feelings. The entire concept of Verbal Judo is based on treating others with decency and respect.

 Verbal Judo can help you enhance your communication, handle conflicts, and avoid the most common conversational disasters by using simple, easily remembered ways to deflect and divert bad behavior. This book takes a fresh look at the phenomenon of conflicts, allowing you to defuse arguments and foster collaboration with your spouse, boss, and even teenagers. Verbal Judo teaches you how to avoid disagreements and deescalate confrontations in a professional manner. It will help you perform better at work and reduce stress, making your life easier and more pleasant.

Main Points

💡 Empathy is a Key

🌍 Types of People

🔄 Learn to Paraphrase

📝 The Five Steps & Structure of Verbal Judo

🌏 Cross-Cultural Communication

 

1. Empathy is a Key

This is rule #1. According to George J. Thompson, if you learn not to take things personally, you can be ahead of the game and won’t require much Verbal Judo.

People should be respected and treated with decency. Empathy is the ability to see the world through another person's eyes, which makes it easier to connect with them and find common ground. Empathy does not mean agreement with what others say or do. It entails seeing and understanding things through their eyes.

Empathy is the most pivotal communication skill. It's about being able to perceive things from another person's point of view and thereby deepen their bonds with those people by empathizing with them.

Empathy absorbs tension. It works every time. I have seen it even save a life.

Every issue has at least two sides to it. A good communicator must put themselves in the shoes of the other person and try to understand what they stand to gain or lose from the situation. This necessitates empathy, which is accepting another person’s point of view rather than attempting to persuade them.

If you can't empathize with others, you won't be able to persuade them to listen to you. Only after you've empathized with them will you be able to help them understand the consequences of what they're doing or will do.

 

Types of People

There are three sorts of people depending on how they communicate with one another. The first step toward mastering Verbal Judo is to learn to recognize these three groups:

😊 Nice: A nice person is someone whose goals and behaviors are to be polite, helpful, and attentive to others.

😡 Difficult: Difficult people have a variety of characteristics and are frequently anti-law enforcement and nasty. They frequently ask “What’s in it for me?”

🤔 Sneaky (or Wimps): Sneaky people may appear pleasant but have hidden motives and may gossip behind your back.

 

Learn to Paraphrase

Another essential component of good Verbal Judo is paraphrasing. Paraphrasing is frequently used to soften the tone. Angry individuals often don’t mean what they say, so when you paraphrase them and use their own words like “always” and “on purpose,” they will soften their tone.

Paraphrase Effectively

Advice: Paraphrasing is a great way to defuse tension and prevent the conversation from escalating.

***Example: “Let me be sure I heard what you just said: You are feeling frustrated because of X, is that correct?”

 

4. The Five Steps & Structure of Verbal Judo

The author suggests a five-step conversation strategy:

🔑 Ethical appeal

📜 Reasonable appeal: explain policies and rules

🗣️ Personal appeal: what’s in it for them and what if they don’t?

***🔧 Practical appeal: “Can I do or say anything to make you cooperate?”

⚖️ Determination of appropriate action

 

Cross-Cultural Communication

The focus on cross-cultural communication can frequently be counterproductive rather than helpful. What if we focused on the similarities instead?

🌎 Everyone wants to be treated with respect and dignity.

🤝 Everyone wants to be asked to do something rather than being told what to do.

❓ Everyone wants to know why they are being asked to do something or why they are being forced to do something.

💬 Rather than listening to threats, people like to be offered options.

🔁 Everyone wishes for a second chance when they make a mistake.

 

 

Verbal Judo

The Gentle Art of Persuasion

George J. Thompson,

PhD (2013)

 

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