Becoming a Black Badass Blonde

 Okay. So hey folks. While I am still getting back on track with this fabulous app I might as well talk a little more about why I am here. One of the reasons: because I  love literature and writing. Secondly, because I love to make new discoveries about culture and how Black women are evolving in American culture as mothers, educators and women in business. And lastly to talk about lessons learned. Learning is a wonderful life activity. And earning many achievements in education brought me through many many times of distress and disappointment because of the way an article, or a book, a poem even a song can have an affect on how you feel.  Which is why I love exploring and teaching what I have mastered in Art History, Metaphsics and the way my own Art has personally contributed to my own experiences in healing and human development.

Learning helped me hear. It helped me listen more clearly to what other voices needed saying to break silence and raise awareness on issues I cared about. Yet educating myself also helped me understand myself and who I have always embraced as my Queendom of Sistars as I became more aware of Black women's political bodies. Particularly when I became a self proclaimed feminist many many years ago before I completed my undergrad.

A friend of mine at the time was so fond of me because I was an adult learner. I had such hope at age 38. I felt my time had come as I have so many times before. Ever since then I always followed my north Star. I am still following it. So becoming a Black Badass Blonde woman at the age of 55 was not just a change of hair color. It was a dream of mine when I was a little girl.  I knew being blonde would be something I needed to try. It was a change I think an employer of mine stunted when I turned my hair a cherry apple red after I left my husband 19 years ago. 

My hair was truly stunning. The employer said it was unacceptable for the culture of the office and I would need to tone it down immediately. I knew my rights were being messed with. And I was so disappointed in this old assed lady whom I once looked up to. But I knew right then she was not being a mentor to me. She was a hater. Because a year later she decided to retire and let me go anyway. I even wanted to have some form of relationshipp a few years later with her when she surprised me with a call inviting me to an art exhibit she was having at her home. I never would have visited her otherwise, but my interest really piqued since I had not seen her any more before I left Jersey. But she moved to a town I used to dwell when I was able to afford a middle class life style. By then I was in another part of Florida, but my oldest son and I went took the two hour drive to visit. Since both of us are in recovery and couldn't drink we looked for snacks. And there weren't any. She didn't have the decency to save us a plate knowing we would have to travel so far. And there were all kinds of phony old fogeys in attendance. Probably All her neighbors. 

The old lady displayed All kinds of little snippets of paper, digital photos of her husband and children, and her times in the Peace Corps.  A bunch of paper products she used to create more paper paper products like flyers, notebooks and packaging for the kids we connected to a local science program.  I became pretty acquainted with and put to use my own for graphic design while I went to school for it and worked with her. The exhibition was not terribly good, by the way. But I think she drummed this shit up just because she is a lonely shrew. All of her guests were white except her daughter, my son and I. 

See the old lady and her daughter stirred some old feelings. I always thought someday her daughter would look out for me for future employment leads. Anything. Not to mention now her daughter's hair was blonde after she practically fired me for changing my hair color years ago when I worked for her. I was very resentful when I left this little shin dig. Because I finally realized they always treated me like trash because they were clearly more affluent than I. And they really didn't give a damn about me.

My boss would never allow me trying to connect with her daughter. She worked on Wall Street. Instead she gave me a total of $10,000 during my under grad. Which was useful but what I needed were social ties. I didn't meet people doing any better than I or people who completed their education in Jersey. I had no more family or friends at this point friends particularly in Florida to help me scope out the job market when I got here. Til this day I hate this woman. 

It was hard. Being 45 and not having any real solid roots. Never quite gaining social capital means everything to those who complete their education. Feeling rejected; as though I was not good enough I started a Master's program in counseling education which was more trouble than it was worth so I started and completed a Master's online in Social & Industrial Psychology. I started and completed another Master's in Human Services Leadership, then completed a doctoral program as well.

As I improved my stock in education I put out 50 applications at a time. With one call back each round. By then, I was here in Florida for 3 years. It was around 2015. A year later I had open heart surgery two months after having a mild heart attack. I wasn't happy here. Living with my son's. Becoming disabled after taking on all these courses and making achievements that just didn't matter to me anymore. Being alone most of the time. But I always had my art. 

So after after my body healed I went to festivals. Sold jewelry at craft shows. Met lots of people during 2018 and 2019. Finally, I planned a trip for myself. To go away as far as my credit card could take me for New Year's 2019 to bring in 2020. That is the weekend I went blonde for good and I haven't looked back. Going blonde was more like a lifestyle change. I felt richer than I had in a long time especially partying a little on rooftops in downtown Savannah, Georgia on that magical night! I had the time of my life! That whole weekend was filled with a custom curated itinerary I did: I ate slow boil seafood cuisine and barbecue, walked the docks, went to an African Art Museum, went on a foodie tour through downtown and visited a village where a Geechee tribe of free  Black people lived since slavery. 

Going blonde once and for all was liberating for me. Especially with COVID coming along to change our world within months after my wonderful excursions that year. So I have rocked my blonde-ness with pride. Amidst a lot of Sistars who were not accepting of me and what I had to offer in terms of my knowledge base, friendship or camraderie. And I know why. They had undermini my attitudes just like my old boss from a long time ago. 

When I was just a little girl of 5 or 6 I remember my grandmother taking pictures of me sleeping. I remember a couple of those picks of her catching me with this gold colored bath robe I use to cover my head with. I would never say it was my hair. I just put it on and smiled for the camera. My imagination made it feel real to me. And my grandmother thought it was so funny. She called my mother to come out of her room to look at me. And they got a good laugh about my "white girl" blonde hair moment. It was precious. I was just pretending and I don't even think my mom and grandmother took it seriously. I never heard them criticize me for that childhood fantasy. I wish my beloved mothers were around long enough to nurture my blonde ambition because it has done me so much good now in my later years. Going blonde has changed my lifestyle and the way I feel about myself.

So why become a Blonde Badass Black woman? Especially now? Mainly because it was time. I wanted to transform something about myself no matter how small or large the change would be. Because I wanted to release the Queen from a dungeon of despair and failure. I turned the page on dark hair because being blonde agreed with me like wearing an old pair of jeans. The blonde girl in me welcomed me. And I said"Yaaaaaaaazz girl, yaaaaaaz!" 

All this being said.

 I am might be old.

But I am still am a Blonde Badass Black babe at heart.

"and I like her just the way she is"   ~~Cameo

         

Luv to U & Me,

Ms. BBB 😘