Thanks for the Fire (May 2025)

By Sharon Patton

Dear Ancestors,

Your descendants thank you for your recent handiwork down south. That 18-hour plantation house fire? Beautiful. That Confederate museum getting clobbered by a tree? Art.

Now, if y’all still got a little righteous rage and ancestral wind left in the tank, we humbly submit the following wishlist for your next demolition of real-life shrines to white supremacy that could use a little… you know.

Mount Rushmore. Can y’all send a lightning bolt straight through George Washington’s stone wig?

The Christopher Columbus statues that still stand. Can y’all swallow them in sinkholes? And if thats asking too much then maybe just hit them with pigeon orgies.

Might y’all be able to send some ancestral smoke to Colonial Williamsburg? Send a heat wave to melt every wool waistcoat and have every butter churn explode on cue.

Can y’all bless your descendants by sending a termite plague to The Daughters of the Confederacy headquarters?

Pull up on Jefferson Davis’s home with a gust of wind that snatches the roof off so hard it ends up in the Mississipppi River.

Go to Robert E Lee’s memorial and send flocks of crows to stealth pluck all the visitors who come to pay their respects.

Oh, and Paula Deen’s family recipe box…turn it to ash.

Where else do y’all want the ancestors to visit?

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